Journaling the Path ~ a Blog

One of my favorite poets and writers, David Whyte, says that ambition is much different than “calling” or “vocation.” Ambition, he says in Consolations, is actually an obstacle to our life’s work. I take this to mean that ambition is an obstacle because it is solely focused on success to the detriment of much deeper qualities that are the telltales of one’s callings and ultimate vocation. One such sign is that a calling will have roots in one’s past, even in one’s childhood. If we explore our lives for clues, we often find events or people that were change-agents in our lives long before we were consciously engaged in our calling. Although I’m no expert in finding one’s calling, I can share my own experience regarding my own callings: to live more contemplatively, and to practice journaling as a path to know and love God, myself and others.

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As a kid, I began writing poetry at age eight and journaling in my early teens. However, I got into some trouble with my parents when they read my journal, so I mostly gave it up until I turned 30, when I lived alone. In the interim, I loved reading and writing papers in Mr. Black’s high school Contemporary Literature class, and later in college as an English literature major. My desire to write and to find meaning and purpose in my life and the world became clear from this desire to grow.

Another clue in the past was a pre-teen conversation I had with my best friend. I wanted to talk about our relationship – was she okay with our friendship, was I a good friend, what did she think of me? This was an early attempt to figure out who I was by asking for feedback in my relationships. Later in my thirties, I would find a therapist whose conversations greatly inspired my desire to find the “something more” in me that I talk about in my book – the true self. But between those teen years and my thirties was a tumultuous road to adulthood – fraught with confusion, losses and addiction. Yet even those hard times ultimately propelled me to dig deeper in my life, searching for answers. Reading, writing and then a landmark spiritual experience set me on a spiritual path that continues to this day.

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In retrospect, my callings to read, write and grow spiritually – all born out of a deeper desire to heal – have led me to a vocation to accept and be more generous with others and self. This hasn’t been a once and done deal. Rather, it has required a willingness to travel a multitude of pathways to a greater good, such as to leave my anger and resentments behind, to change my attitudes and actions toward self and others, to practice silence and solitude which helps me know myself more fully, and to build a relationship with a higher power, to name a few.

Journaling is a labor of self-love because it is a practice of self-care. Self-care will initially feel selfish to many of us. Reprioritizing our time allotments with family, various causes, communities, volunteering, recovery work, overworking and so on, may become necessary to be able to sink into what is most deeply drawing the attention of our souls. Doing this may present another obstacle: if we do not risk the disapproval of others, we may never know what our callings are. However, I’m convinced that committing to discover our truest self and find a spiritual path are two of the most amazing, grounding, and life-changing choices we will ever make.

Yet the journey doesn’t stop there. Self-acceptance and self-love are as critical to finding forgiveness and true compassion for others as it is for ourself. It has taken a lot of letting go and staying open. This is why journaling can be a friend and a tool: it gives us a safe place to know ourselves better, to spend time with ourselves, and to value ourselves.

Question for Journaling:  What things, people, or activities do you need to let go to open space for yourself to follow your dreams, invitations, or callings?